Mom,
I miss you.
I just want to talk with you.
Today I had a really uplifting conversation with one of my roommates. She is truly the sweetest and it made me so happy and relieved.
It was about the feeling of being left outside.
I have almost always felt that.
From childhood - I was never the cool kid, but not independent enough to be the dork. it feels like the dorks truly were the winners, they were so independent so they were who they were no matter what, and the cool kids maybe also were who they were but in a different way. Their interest was to make fun of others and the dorks were just interested in their own passions. And then there are the other ones, the "in-between" ones. The ones who are not the cool kid, but not the dork - but somewhere in between. Afraid of becoming a dork but never fitted to be with the cool people. A neutral, a chameleon - afraid to stand out from any end, but preferably the upper, cooler end.
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